Every time I open my laptop to write up a new blog post, I struggle with what I really want to share. I want to share certain pieces of my life with you all but what I end up doing is sharing a silly bucket list or just some photos from a recent photo shoot.

This is the part of blogging that is really, really hard. You want to be open and honest with whoever might be reading your blog but how do you know what is just too much to share? 

I want to be the 'what you see, is what you get' blogger who isn't afraid to share who is she is and what she's been through. With that said.. where do I even start? I guess I will start off by saying that by sharing this, I am not looking for sympathy or validation or anything for that matter. I am sharing because for the last year and some change.. while it's been one of the best experiences I could have had, it's also been a constant struggle because I feel like I have been hiding this very important part of me and who I am. So, I am ready to share all of me and be 100% true to myself and others. 

I moved to Sacramento officially on January 1st, 2018. When I meet people for the first time, I usually get these questions.. where am I from and what brought me to Sacramento? To which I just pause like a deer in headlights and think to myself... do I give them the sugarcoated version or the complicated version? Spoiler alert, I always go for the sugarcoated version. 

"Well my sister lives up here and I have family in Reno/Tahoe area and was just looking for a change of scenery and to be closer to family."

While all of that is completely true, that is not the actual reason for my move up to Sacramento, or California for that matter. 

In October 2017, I decided to separate from my husband of almost 5 years. We are still married and currently separated. It was by far the hardest decision of my life and a day that I try to erase from my memory. I left my husband and his 3 children who I was taking care of full time for the last 5 years. 

For those that I have met in Sacramento..  I can only imagine your reaction when you think about me being a full time mother of 3 kids under the age of 10 (at the time). Haha.. yes, I drove a minivan and was driving back and forth to school plays, soccer practices and birthday parties! And I loved it. I love those kids like they are my own and I will for the rest of my life. 

But overall I felt unhappy, I felt alone, I felt like I wasn't in love with my husband and I thought it was the best decision to come back to California for some space. 

So I packed up the car and made the road trip out to San Diego where I stayed for a few months. By December of 2017, I had handpicked a studio apartment off the internet and was moving to downtown Sacramento on New Years Eve. 

Little did I know, I was about to experience a pretty life changing year in Sacramento..